Addicted

We made it.

Many boxes, bruises, trips to and fro later and we are snuggled into our new apartment.

And I was right -- for as much as we sold, trashed, and gave away, in the end we still had a ridiculous mountain of garbage that I refused to bring along with us. It's embarrassing really, when I think about the families that barely have enough food and water to survive, that we have so much excess.

But perhaps this is the beginning of the end of our Americanized style of buying.

The apartment is cozy. Although Uno still prefers to hole away in his own space (the mark of a true teenager, I guess), I can see him in his room from the couch in the living room. When he closes his door, I can still hear him nearby. Our living space is a combination living room, dining corner, and kitchen, so everything is close at hand. Coming from a home that was so big we had rooms I never even went in (again, embarrassing), I am surprised I don't feel cramped.

Instead, I feel happy. Hopeful about the future, released from the financial and emotional strain of our ginormo-home, content with the present. It's a good place to be.

The new place does come with a surprise, however.

The desire to decorate is thick and ever-present. I wasn't expecting this. Mr. Shoes and I have been excellent about our budget for the past month. Unless I'm having a high-stress day, spending money on frivolous things isn't something I spend much time thinking about. I've enjoyed my freedom from the debit card that used to weigh so heavily in my wallet.

But now, with all the fresh excitement of a new place, with the giddiness of having made my $1000 savings goal for the month of April, with all that "I just sold almost everything I own!" cash in my pocket, and with these blank walls and windows just begging for color...

Whew. A brand new challenge has reared its ugly head.

I splurged on a few items with the extra non-budget money we had (woohoo! spending that doesn't cause a ripple in the time-budget continuum!) and realized yet another truth about my spending habits.

Spending a little makes me want to spend a lot.

So while it's nice to have the new shower curtain and the wall art above the bed, it just makes me want new shams and a floor mat for the kitchen and perhaps a lamp in that little space by the couch...

It's unnerving -- how quickly I can turn from save-aholic to shopaholic.

Time to put the lid back on the penny jar.

This girl refuses to let go of the progress we've made so far.

lessons from a house

Moving day, which seemed to be creeping toward us at a turtle's crawl, is now one week away.

Much of the little stuff is taken care of -- clutter trashed, furniture sold, boxes packed. Each night when I go to bed I am caught off-guard by the starkness of the empty room. The only thing left to do is pack up the kitchen, and the unavoidable little things that almost seem to not want to move with us: spare change, those dusty recipes forgotten on the top of the refrigerator, extra batteries at the bottom of a drawer.

A week from today, all those final touches will be made and we will go to bed for the last time in this big box of a house. A week from today, I hope to put to rest many of the angry bees that have buzzed around my brain for the last year.

As happy as I am to be leaving this house, I won't be going without a few lessons:

1. I'm not a big house person. Most nights, Uno sprints upstairs to play video games or watch TV or do whatever it is teenagers do in the privacy of their own worlds. There were nights I only saw him for dinner and to say goodnight. There were nights I fell asleep early and never even said goodnight. Having a gameroom upstairs made it far too easy to spend time apart. In a small house, even when we weren't doing things together, we were still together, and I miss that.
2. Having more space does not eliminate clutter. This really amazed me. One might think that, given 2500 square feet of space, a family of ... oh, I don't know ... THREE PEOPLE would be able to find a spot for all their things and keep their home neat and tidy. This is absolutely not true. You could put one person in a castle and still end up with the appearance of a frat house the morning after a kegger. People: if you can't find anywhere to put all your things and you have a huge house -- you have too much stuff!! I'm willing to bet that even though I sold over half our belongings and trashed endless piles of junk, I still have way more than I need.
3. Vaulted ceilings just mean hard to reach cobwebs.
4. Having a big place to entertain will not magically transform me into the type of person that entertains effortlessly -- or even likes sharing my time with people.
5. Empty bedrooms that used to contain the sound of children playing are an open, festering wound that refuses to heal.

I'm sure the tiny apartment (I have said that I am moving into a cubicle-sized box, right? A cubihouse!) will come with all of its own new lessons. I'm actually looking forward to them. We may be packed together like sardines, but we're choosing this. I like the new us, the growing couple that makes plans instead of frantically reacting to the storms.

This could make the next year of lessons much easier to stomach.